How Do You Stop Self Sabotage
I was talking on skype recently with a person who I am coaching. He is the type of guy that if you looked in your high school year book, he would have been voted as the pupil most likely to succeed.
He is good looking, personable and smart and had a great job. He was hungry to help people and wanted more.
I know what you are thinking and you are probably saying “Wow, what a great person to get to coach and help design his idea of a magnificent life”. There was one problem, he was self sabotaging.
I won’t go into his background but he wasn’t encouraged as a child at all. His achievements, which were many, were never acknowledged by his parents. He has a brother who is an amazing sports person and is also a household name.
He didn’t realise the problem. Many of us don’t with our own issues. It’s really only when we have a mentor or coach that we can drill down & get an insight into why we do what we do. Most time we don’t even know why we do the things that we do .
In this blog I want to dive into some of signs of self sabotaging behaviour and how it can effect us breaking away from the 9 to 5 & moving into the ultra-exciting world of entrepreneurship.
He Was Waiting.
During our conversation I heard terms like, “I will get that done when I have xyz completed ”. “I just need to work on the website colors a bit more before I launch it” ‘I just didn’t get a change to finish my pitch, but will do it tomorrow”.
Now it can be true, we all live busy lives, but you need to drill down to identify if the excuses are true or simply a procrastination tactic.
If you keep waiting for the perfect time to launch a new product, business or project it will never happen. Take action now to get things rolling. Learn to recoganize the signs of self sabotaging behaviour. I love the term, “Never leave the scene of a decision without taking action”.
Choose Who You Spend Your Time With.
Recently I heard a story of a guy who finally decided to leave his 9 to 5 and start his own venture he was 100% committed to it.
When he was just about to launch his new business he grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down a list of all his friends. He then grabbed a second piece of paper and drew a line down the middle. He wrote A in the left column and B in the right column.
He went through the names of the first piece of paper and recorded each name on the second piece of paper, either in column A or column B.
Once he had gone through the list, he sent an SMS/Text to everyone in the B Column arranging to meet them for a coffee.
Over the coming days he met with each of the people from column B. The conversation went something like this,
“I really value our friendship but I’m starting my own business and I need to concentrate on that. I am determined to succeed in it and will be going all out to build it into the business that I want. I know you are on your own journey but your negativity isn’t going to help in my future”.
Yes, he made an appointment to formally fire his friends. Now he could have just not contacted them by SMS/Text or just dropped out of their life but he actually made the conscious decision to formally fire them.
Was it harsh, unnecessary, ruthless or something that he needed to do for himself?
He felt that he was now at odds with his friends’ values and goals in life. He didn’t want their negativity affecting his life.
You may have heard me say it before but I just love the Jim Rohn quote, “ You are the average of the five people you spend most time with”
The Never Ending Story.
People self-sabotage by their own self talk. You hear people say. “I’ll never be able to do that”, I’ll never lose this extra weight”, I’ll never be able to build a 7 figure business”. When you keep talking like that your words become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I Will Wait Until The Time Is Right
There is never a perfect time. There will always be an excuse not to do something if you look hard enough. Get the ball rolling and just start. The more you do the more momentum you will get and the easier it will become.
Comparing Yourself With Others.
When comparing yourself with others the rule is simple, don’t.
You have no idea where the person you are comparing yourself with started. They may have had some breaks in a prior business, had a mentor that you didn’t or had substantial financial backing.
We all start from different positions on the starting blocks. That doesn’t mean we can’t catch up and even pass those who started from a different position than us.
Just because you are an introvert doesn’t mean you can’t succeed. Too young, too old, not as smart, not as good looking. Just take action.
I Don’t Have The Support System.
In this online world we now live in support is so much easier to get than it ever has been. The Philippines, Eastern Europe and many other countries now have virtual assistants that can help you with the backend of your business. They are reliable, pleasant, efficient and can be especially helpful in keeping you being able to do the dollar producing activities of your business.
Conclusion
Whilst this just touches the surface of self sabotage you can see how it can permeate into all aspects of our lives. Since self-sabotage often lurks in out unconscious mind it so important to work with someone to identify and rid yourself of these unwanted thought patterns. You have to learn the signs of self sabotaging behaviour.
To your success
-David
